Anything is believable now

The bottles stand as empty, as they were filled before. Time there was and plenty, but from that cup no more.

Ship of fools

Our Monday Mail opening’s from the Grateful Dead’s “Ship of Fools.”

April Fools

So on April 1…. Wait, that’s not right…. So on April 3, I wrote an April Fools column, as I couldn’t get the April 1 column slot.

The column said President Donald Trump would renovate the Columbus Government Center for a Trump Tower casino.

Though the column was not on April 1, it had some clues it was a prank, such as the premise.

Other hints included this part quoting a Georgia Tech physicist about a zipline from the top of the 11-story Government Center to the three-story Springer Opera House across the street:

“My calculations show that by the time an average human body descends to the Springer theater balcony, it will be traveling at 132.7 mph and break apart upon impact, with dismembered limbs smashing through the windows and bouncing off elderly patrons trying to find the restrooms during intermission.”

Some people read right past that, as if elderly theater patrons being pelted by body parts was perfectly plausible.

I mean, really? Have people read so many bloody crime reports they think that’s just typical? Who’s writing that crap?

Fake news!

Here’s an email:

Loved your column.... So great how you combined some of the "idiosyncrasies" of our Groper-In-Chief with local doings. My favorite lines: “#ohiorocks" and "put America's minors back to work." Guess we can't cry for four straight years so we may as well laugh. Thanks for your columns that give us an excuse to do just that. Wit and sarcasm, my favorite combination. Keep it up.

Merry Taylor.

Dear Merry:

Thanks.

The next four years could be hilarious, like Bill Clinton’s second term.

Sad!

Here’s an email that’s apparently from David James Boyce Jr.:

I read your article with interest as I was fuming and asking myself, why would the council give away this building for pennies. For $48K I could buy it and provide shelter for our homeless population. Then I read it to the end. You got me. That was good.

Dear David:

You refer to this:

“Some critics complain council sold the property too cheaply, despite obtaining two appraisals. The first was $48,612.67, so councilors sought a second estimate, which valued the block in the heart of downtown at $1.2 million. Councilors decided to stick with the first appraisal.”

That was the most believable part, so don’t feel gullible for that.

Stifins & Shrinx

Here’s an email from Geoff Wollin:

The lawyer's name quoted in the article was not lost on me. Kudos.

Dear Geoff:

You’re referring to Shuckem, Suckett & Spitt, the law firm Columbus Council hired to determine whether President Trump by executive order can declare casino gambling legal in Georgia. The column quoted Neilan Suckett, the firm’s senior partner: “We checked, and it turns out that yeah, he pretty much can do whatever he wants.”

People read right through that, too, so it also rang true.

Hard to believe, isn’t it? Used to be.

This story was originally published April 30, 2017 at 9:10 PM with the headline "Anything is believable now."