Politicians pose public safety risk

Well, that settles it: I have got to go get one of those concealed-carry permits.

Not because I need to carry a gun on a college campus, although I could in Georgia, with a permit. I could be a crime-fighting college-campus vigilante. “Hey kid!” I’d shout, firing into the air. “That’s FACULTY parking! You need a permit to leave that scooter there!”

I don’t know if you heard about this — maybe it was on the news — but politicians are attacking journalists now.

I don’t know when that wasn’t old news, except last week, when the winning Montana congressman wrung a reporter’s neck and yelled “Get the hell out of here!”

And broke the reporter’s glasses. That’s my favorite part of the audio: “You broke my glasses!” That’s the first thing I would say, followed by, “Do you know what a hassle this is going to be? I’ve got to call my optometrist back home to get my prescription sent out here, and do you think I can see the tiny numbers on this cell phone now?”

As soon as I heard about this ruckus, I knew the guy was going to win. He was going to win anyway — they have early voting out there, too — but this didn’t hurt.

A lot of things distinguish the Mountain West from the Deep South, and resorting to violence is not one of them, although it’s still way more dangerous here, where people have less personal space to defend.

Personal space is treasured here and there, so if you barge into a room and get in someone’s personal space and get hit, Montanans or Georgians hearing about that later might say, “Well, he DID get in the guy’s face, you know.”

Sometimes something gets broke, covering the news. A Ledger-Enquirer reporter’s glasses broke when he was punched covering race riots here in the 1970s. Overseas reporters get beaten, jailed and murdered all the time.

According to The Liberal Media, this wild mountain man media rampage is not an isolated incident, like a Bigfoot sighting (also accepted here and out West). Politicians’ assaulting reporters is a trend.

Well, here in Georgia, we have a “stand your ground” self-defense law, and according to some court verdicts I’ve read here in The Liberal Media (consider the source), that goes a long way. If someone attacks you, you can defend yourself. You have no duty to retreat.

And consider this: Georgia has laws against committing crimes to further the interest of a gang, defined as three or more people associated by “evidence of a common name or common identifying signs, symbols, tattoos, graffiti, or attire or other distinguishing characteristics, including, but not limited to, common activities, customs, or behaviors.”

I don’t know if you know this — maybe it’s been on TV — but these politicians form “parties” in which they’re known to wear certain colors and symbols, establish regional “headquarters,” and mark and defend territory, like with yard signs.

Sometimes they get so maniacal during rituals that they adorn themselves head to toe with hats and buttons and bunting, and they chant in unison. It’s kind of scary, so every now and then you have to step outside the convention hall and take deep breaths to slow your heart rate.

If violent gangs of politicians are going to roam the country attacking people, then we all need to be ready to defend ourselves.

This may not be the wild, wild West, but it is the Deep South, where Georgia law recognizes our right to act in defense of ourselves or others, or to thwart the commission of a forcible felony.

We don’t have to back off if someone attacks us, and tries to break our glasses.

We need them to aim.

This story was originally published May 28, 2017 at 8:27 PM with the headline "Politicians pose public safety risk."