Celebrating freedom of speech on the eve of America’s birthday

The other day I realized to my great embarrassment that I have yet to devote a column to the dearth of civil discourse in politics today.

It is just awful, the way people talk to each other now. It is rude, and disgraceful. And something should be done about it.

For example, just the other day some pompous liberal was lecturing me on whatever progressive concept most recently was to be forced upon us to benefit her social standing, and when she finally was done and later eventually stopped talking — and it still sounded like a big fat sack of cow manure to me — I thought:

“You know, that attitude is why Donald Trump is president now.”

Also I thought, “Perhaps trying to browbeat me is a waste of time. Perhaps that time would be better spent on Facebook posting selfies purported to illustrate what a tremendous benefit to our community you are, and then ‘liking’ your own self-serving propaganda. Have you tried yoga? Maybe you can assume a position in which you are able to kiss your own buttocks, and then you can ‘like’ that, too.”

There, see? That is yet another example of the incivility so prevalent today.

That is why, here on the eve of Independence Day, we should take this opportunity to show our appreciation to the freely elected leaders whose “do not reply” form letters in response to constituent concerns so politely express their utter disinterest.

Kindest regards

Here is an actual example (see if it sounds familiar):

Thank you for contacting me to express your thoughts and concerns about the issues facing our state and our nation. I always appreciate the opportunity to hear from my fellow Georgians.

As I continue to work with my colleagues … to advance an agenda that will improve the lives of all Americans, I am grateful that you have taken the time to let me know your views on issues of public interest that Congress and the Trump Administration are debating every day. I believe it is important for all citizens to remain engaged with their government and to keep their representatives appraised of how they view the important issues of the day.

Again, thank you for taking the time to contact me. If I can be of any further assistance to you in the future, please do not hesitate to let me know. You can contact my office via email on my official website or via phone….

See? What a nice way to say, “You didn’t vote for me”; “You are never going to vote for me”; “I do not represent you”; “I do not care what you think”; “I do not know ‘appraise’ from ‘apprise’”; and, “Go to hell.”

I find this encouraging, because just last week I read a nonfiction novel set in the Gilded Age — “The Devil in The White City” by Erik Larson — and the correspondence it quoted made America’s imminent return to 19th century values seem much more promising.

Eschewing the coarse language so often employed today, a gentleman of means back then had the capacity to compose a courteous missive conveying to recipients the author’s most fervent hope that they enthusiastically will venture forth to consume unadulterated sewage and decease — which of course they were likely to do anyway, under contemporary health standards.

So, with that in mind Tuesday, as we celebrate another anniversary of this great nation’s founding, let us reflect upon its glorious history and the freedom we have inherited — the freedom to say what we mean, in a most respectful manner, to those unworthy of our attention.

Some naysayers might argue we don’t all have that freedom, but at least those of us who matter do, right?

The rest can bend over and kiss their butts goodbye.

This story was originally published July 2, 2017 at 5:55 PM with the headline "Celebrating freedom of speech on the eve of America’s birthday."