Take a magical Government Center mystery tour

Roll up for the mystery tour: It’s Monday Mail.

Looking back

Today’s opening is from the Beatles’ “Magical Mystery Tour,” released in 1967, or 50 years ago.

Every year we have to go back 50 years to mark anniversaries, you know, so this year the focus is 1967, which I do not much recall.

At least not much of the news: the riots in Detroit, the war in Vietnam, Eugene McCarthy, Jayne Mansfield, Lester Maddox, etc.

But I do remember songs from “Magical Mystery Tour”: “Penny Lane,” “Strawberry Fields Forever,” “The Fool on the Hill,” “All You Need Is Love,” “I Am the Walrus,” etc.

The music’s much more upbeat than the 1967 news. So, forget the news. Next year we’ll be looking back to 1968, so it’s going to suck.

Mystery tours

The reason today’s opening is from “Magical Mystery Tour” is because of this announcement that came in the email from the “Mayor’s Commission on the New Government and Judicial Building” (the MCNGJB):

Columbus Consolidated Government (CCG) is opening the doors of the Government Center to the public for open house tours Wednesday … beginning at 5:30 p.m.

The Mayor’s Commission on the New Government and Judicial Building presents three (3) open house tours at 5:30 p.m., 6 p.m. and 6:30 p.m. Wednesday…. Each tour will be a 30-minute walk through the existing Government Center, located at 100 E 10th St., Columbus … and will highlight key issues associated with the current facility. Issues such as piping corrosion, safety concerns and numerous other issues will be identified to each individual group in hopes of better educating the public on the everyday concerns with the existing structure.

These touring groups will be led by some of CCG’s most knowledgeable staff regarding the systems integrity, safety and functionality of the facility. CCG staff will answer questions during each tour session regarding the present condition of the building. To sign-up for the tour please contact Aric Jackson in the Mayor’s Office…. Thank you all and we look forward to seeing you at our open house event.

For Further Information Contact: Aric Jackson, Mayor’s Office: 706-225-3114, Jackson.Aric@columbusga.org.

Good luck

Is it possible to tour the Government Center in 30 minutes using the elevators? Surely these tour groups aren’t taking the stairs. No one takes the stairs. People get on the elevator just to go one floor.

If you ever really have to take the stairs, by the way — like if a fire breaks out — don’t touch the rails. I don’t know what they paint the stairwell rails with, but it doesn’t stick to the metal. It sticks to your palm.

The city earlier offered an online survey about the Government Center, but it didn’t list paint sticking to you among the possible safety concerns. It asked:

Which of the following concerns you about the Government Center? (select all that apply)

• Corrosion of cooling system pipes.
• Elevators.
• Lack of fire suppression.
• Inmate workforce.
• Emergency exits.
• Bat infestation.
• Other (please specify).

I read through that and thought: “Hmmm…. Well, I was not concerned about the inmate workforce or bat infestation before this, but should I be? Are the inmates plotting to take over the city government? Are they armed with bats? Where are these bats, anyway? Will they be on the tour?”

The concern I specified was, “I don’t trust the government.”

Specifying paint peeling off the rails didn’t seem necessary, as the survey asked how satisfied you were with specific areas of the complex:

How satisfied are you with the facilities (elevators, stairwells, restrooms, hallways, etc.) at the Government Center?

I checked “somewhat dissatisfied.”

I’m not extremely dissatisfied. I just try not to touch the rails now, when I’m walking up or down one floor because taking the elevator for so short a trip is such a waste of time.

I look on the bright side: At least the stairwell’s not crowded.

This story was originally published July 23, 2017 at 8:25 PM with the headline "Take a magical Government Center mystery tour."