Gators, coyotes and snake heads: Regular life’s still way more risky than wildlife

Whew! That was close.

I was just about to write a column about alligators spreading up the Chattahoochee to Lake Harding, at least – as evidenced by Facebook posts of a large alligator there.

I was going to add that alligator attacks on humans are rare, so don’t worry about alligators. Unless you have dogs that swim in the lake, in which case you should worry about alligators.

But otherwise, in the odds of fatality statistics, you still are way more likely to get killed in a car wreck on those narrow winding roads to the backwater. Or by a lightning strike. Or by cardiac arrest.

Had I written such reassurance about alligator attacks, it would have been published right before a woman walking her dogs in Florida got eaten by an alligator.

And that was just the latest in dangerous wildlife news.

Another alligator, captured literally and on video, was bound legs and snout when wildlife officers set it on a truck’s tailgate, and it head-butted one officer and knocked him out, and slapped hell out of another with its tail.

Also last week a decapitated rattlesnake bit its decapitator, who perhaps should have used the shovel with which he decapitated it to scoop up the part with the fangs.

Reptiles are not the only critters biting back: Also last week I learned I’d missed a report on a guy out in middle Georgia who got attacked by a rabid coyote on a hike, and had to fight it off with a knife.

It’s like Jurassic World out there, isn’t it? No wonder people want to wear guns: If you go walking your dog down by the lake and an alligator attacks you, what else are you going to do? Hit it with a stick?

Still, in the odds of what’s likely to kill you where, you have to remember that Florida is far more of a Jurassic park than the backwater.

Reports on the alligator attack said investigators captured one of the gators that might have been involved, and found a human arm in it, and figured that was the one.

So, the lake had a number of suspects, which is not rare, in Florida. It’s a different world, where gigantic roaches lurk in the palmettos, giant pythons plague the Everglades, humorous crime novels choke the bookstores, and “Florida Man” is a Facebook meme.

And don’t even start on what’s in the ocean – the sharks, the stingrays, the jellyfish, the drunk teenagers on spring break.

Compared to Florida, we’re a big suburban swimming pool. So I never worry about alligators, when I’m in the river. (I worry about them on the shore.)

Mostly what I worry about is drowning. Or getting hooked or tangled by lost fishing tackle. Or just swallowing too much river water, which is not drowning but close to it.

Also I now recall that in our teens, we sometimes swam naked at night, and having since caught snapping turtles and almost lost fingers trying to unhook them, I would worry about turtles now, too, if I ever did that again.

Another hazard is getting hit by a jet ski – which by the way raises another alligator risk, doesn’t it? Imagine you’re zooming along, droning a drone, and BAP! You hit a gator and flip so the jet ski lands on top of you.

But we never hear about that happening, right? So, when we’re getting paranoid about wild things, we need to remember that some risks we imagine are just bad daydreams.

Research shows getting out in nature is good for your mental health, so forget the alligators and coyotes and snake heads and get out there, and worry about something else.

Look on the bright side, and remember that you are way more likely to die some other way.

This story was originally published June 10, 2018 at 4:12 PM with the headline "Gators, coyotes and snake heads: Regular life’s still way more risky than wildlife."