Labor Day has always been a damn holiday to me.
It’s not like Memorial Day, the three-day weekend we regard as the kickoff to summer, which from a recreational angle was always a “Yeehaw” holiday, as in, “Yeehaw! We’re going to the backwater to grill out, drink beer and play Kid Rock’s ‘All Summer Long’ real loud on the speedboat.”
Nor is it like Independence Day, which was more of a “Woohoo” holiday, like “Woohoo! We’re going to the Bang-Bang Lady to load up on fireworks and then grill out, drink beer and blow stuff up!” Ka-BOOM! “Wooooooo-hoooooo!”
Maybe it’s because people my age did not go back to school until the Tuesday after Labor Day, but whatever the reason, it’s still a “Damn” holiday, as in, “Damn, I have to go back to school,” or “Damn, I have to go back to work,” or “Damn, summer’s over.”
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It’s not a Kid Rock/Lynyrd Skynyrd moment. It’s more like a Don Henley “Boys of Summer” reflection. So it’s not a hard-partying occasion. You start drinking a lot while listening to Don Henley, and you’re liable to get depressed.
That doesn’t mean the rest of the year’s a bummer. Halloween costume parties should be a blast this election year. I’m dressing as “Fake News” so I don’t have to change clothes.
And, of course, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is always an orgy of excess, when all the kids come home from college and the working adults launch themselves into the holiday season, and both forget that a big family dinner is not the place to discuss the results of the last election with a hangover.
Though Labor Day is different to some of us, perhaps it is not to others, who may see this as the last celebration of summer, and the first party of autumn, to welcome the football season, and cooler weather and fall colors and all that stuff.
So they may want to know that this Labor Day weekend, through 6 a.m. Tuesday, the AAA Auto Club Group Traffic Foundation and Budweiser are offering a “Tow-2-Go” ride service in Georgia, Florida, seven other states and parts of Indiana (but not Alabama) for motorists who have drunk so much that they’re just too intoxicated or depressed to drive home.
The advantage over just calling a cab, or Uber or whatever, is that this not only is free, it includes towing the car home, if the trip’s not more than 10 miles.
That’s an extra benefit for people who don’t want to leave a car unattended where thieves overnight will break in and steal their Glock .40-caliber semi-automatic, their Garmin GPS, whatever expensive cellphone they’re using now and any other valuables they should not have left in their cars.
“Damn,” they would say, the next day, when they found their vehicles cleared of any firearm or valuable electronic device.
Sometimes thieves don’t even have to bust out a window to get in, because the driver left the doors unlocked. This got so prevalent in Auburn, Ala., that police started a public-education campaign to tell people to quit leaving their cars unlocked.
Now that it’s college football season, it may be worth noting that people such as the president can ridicule Tuscaloosa and Jeff Sessions’ alma mater all they want, but I don’t hear Tuscaloosa police telling people they need to lock their damn cars.
Anyway, that is not the point. The point is that according to the AAA, you don’t even have to be a member like me to use the Tow-2- Go service. You can’t be in Alabama, apparently, but you don’t have to join AAA.
The phone number is 855-286-9246, or 855-2-TOW-2-GO. You can learn more online at AAA.com/TowtoGo.
So, celebrate responsibly, this Labor Day, or dodge the threat of depression by holding off until the Halloween costume parties.
Wear some of my old clothes (they’re all old) and you can go as an Enemy of the People.