Monday Mail: Whew! Only four alien species here

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on: It’s Monday Mail.

Major Tom

"Major Tom" would be a good name for a signature Bloody Mary, or a Thanksgiving turkey, but our opening alludes to Dave Bowie's "Ground Control to Major Tom," because we've got a news flash from the National UFO Network, or NUFON:

Minister of Defense Claims UFOs Are Visiting Earth -- Paul Hellyer was Canadian Minister of Defense in 1960s, ruling over the country's armed forces during the Cold War. When he retired he publicly stated that we are not alone in the universe, and some guests from outer space actually live here, on planet Earth:

"Because I know that UFOs are here. As a matter of fact, they've been visiting our planet for thousands of years and one of the cases that would interest you is that during the Cold War, 1961, there were about 50 UFOs in formation flying south from Russia across Europe, and Supreme Allied Command was very concerned and about ready to press the "panic" button when they turned around and went back over the North Pole.

"They decided to do an investigation, and they decided that four species -- at least -- had been visiting this planet for thousands of years. "

Dear NUFON:

Oh! So THAT'S why everyone keeps talking about illegal aliens!

So, are any of them.

Martians?

Did you hear we've found dry lakes around a sedimentary mound in the Gale Crater on Mars? Here's NASA's report:

"Observations from the rover suggest a series of long-lived streams and lakes existed at some point between about 3.8 to 3.3 billion years ago, delivering sediment that slowly built up the lower layers of Mount Sharp," said Ashwin Vasavada, project scientist. "We have noticed patterns of ancient fast-moving streams with coarser gravel, as well as places where streams appear to have emptied out into bodies of water."

Said John Grotzinger, lead author of the new report: "We see evidence of about 250 feet of sedimentary fill, and based on mapping data it appears that the water-transported sedimentary deposition could have extended at least 500 to 650 feet above the crater floor.

"We have tended to think of Mars as being simple. We once thought of the Earth as being simple too. But the more you look into it, questions come up because you're beginning to fathom the real complexity of what we see on Mars. This is a good time to go back to reevaluate all our assumptions. Something is missing somewhere."

Dear NASA:

Maybe one day aliens will land probes on Earth and wonder what the hell happened here, too.

Tim Chitwood, tchitwood@ledger-enquirer.com, 706-571-8508.

This story was originally published October 11, 2015 at 10:47 PM with the headline "Monday Mail: Whew! Only four alien species here ."