Tim Chitwood: Bouncing some horse tales around

Now that I'm a horse owner, I try not to bore people with stories like the time I got catapulted off when the horse stumbled.

Or the time a limb brushed me off the saddle into a creek.

Or the time my wife got thrown and broke her finger, or the time she got spun off like a pinwheel when the horse spooked and whirled.

Or the time just this past summer when I almost got thrown into a creek when the horse abruptly balked at the water's edge.

One thing I've learned about horses is that they are not dogs. They act like dogs, sometimes -- they're curious and perpetually hungry, so they come up and nuzzle you to see if you have any treats.

But the horse is a pack animal, of course, not a herding animal like the dog. So the horse is a lot more skittish, and unlike the skittish dog that snaps and barks, the frightened horse turns and kicks and runs. And unlike the dog that weighs 75 pounds, the horse weighs about 1,000.

And unlike the dog that runs around you when it's excited, the horse does not so mind your personal space. The horse will knock you down and trample you.

And maybe later, when the panic has passed, the horse will come back to where you lie and nuzzle you to see if you have any treats.

On the plus side, you can't ride the dog for miles, but you can the horse. On the minus end again, cleaning up after a dog does not require rakes and shovels.

Cleaning up after a horse is like chasing an industrial manure spreader.

You don't see such horse care nitty-gritty in the movies or on TV. Movies make horseback riding look easy and romantic and rarely show how hard your butt gets bounced off the saddle if the horse goes off its gait and starts popping you up and down like a paddleball.

Also movie horses have an incredible tolerance for gunfire and other loud noises, yet in your own experience you may find even the rustling of a deer dashing away makes a horse jump sideways so fast you need to sit still a minute 'til your stomach slides back off the far side of your abdominal cavity.

Horseback riding is an exciting and educational "leisure" activity, obviously, and one that comes to mind this time of year, as we approach the annual Steeplechase -- which I find more interesting now that I'd like to learn to crouch in the stirrups like a steeplechase jockey, so my behind is not being packed into my gut by saddle slams.

This Saturday's Steeplechase will not be like last year's, when folks were freezing their buttered sourdough buns off. So far the weather forecast says we'll have a high in the mid-70s with scattered thunderstorms and near 90 percent humidity.

So don't overdress, or you'll sweat until you're as lathered as a horse that has to be hosed off.

That's another story.

Tim Chitwood, tchitwood@ledger-enquirer.com, 706-571-8508.

This story was originally published November 1, 2015 at 11:09 PM with the headline "Tim Chitwood: Bouncing some horse tales around ."