Monday Mail: Gators, cats threaten America today

There has never been a greater operator in the swamp than Monday Mail.

Wally

Today’s opening is from the theme to the old “Wally Gator” TV cartoon, and you know why…..

Gators

Friends, you don’t have to watch an entire Republican convention to know that we face multiple threats from all directions today, but perhaps the greatest of these is the alligator.

Once content to star in roadside attractions along Florida highways, the alligator is everywhere today, in ponds, canals, golf courses, creeks, University of Florida memorabilia, etc.

Clearly it is only a matter of time before alligators are as common as squirrels.

This imminent danger was noted in a June 19 column, which followed a fatal alligator attack that might have freaked people out had it not been followed by a rash of terrorist attacks, gun violence and Donald Trump’s acceptance speech.

Now people have so much to be scared of that being killed by alligators has faded from their fear rankings.

So today we remind you that alligators can kill you, and that’s why you should go hunting for them.

Later

But the state here reminds you that you can’t go out hunting for them on your own without a permit:

Don’t miss your chance at a hunt like no other! Quota applications must be received by July 31 if you want a chance at hunting a Georgia gator. According to the Georgia Department of Natural Resources’ Wildlife Resources Division, 1,000 applicants will be selected for the 2016 alligator hunting season, which begins Aug. 19 at sunset and ends Oct. 3 at sunrise.

In 2015, a total of 325 alligators were harvested with an average length of 8’6” and the longest gator measured 14’1.”

“We fully expect to have 10,000 or more applications submitted for the 1,000 permits available,” said John Bowers, Chief of the Game Management Section. …

In Georgia, alligators typically live south of the fall line (which roughly traverses the cities of Columbus, Macon and Augusta). … Opportunistic carnivores, turtles and fish are their most common food, but they also eat small mammals, aquatic insects, crayfish, frogs, and water birds.

To apply, go to www.gohuntgeorgia.com/hunting/quota. The quota hunt system allows applicants to sign up for a chance at a quota hunt using their existing license purchase account. Those applying should be sure to keep their email and mailing address current in order to receive quota updates, confirmations and any notices about quota hunts….

Wild kingdom

Here’s an email in response to that June 19 column:

I originally planned to submit the following as a letter to the editor, but after reading your column this morning, I wondered if your column was a better forum to call attention to my concern. ... cats!

“They (gators) are not going away,” you pointed out, and neither are the cats that prowl and despoil my property. Are you at all interested in raising awareness concerning the disparity in the laws governing the responsible stewardship of domestic pets? I’m sure I will come across as a bitter shrew, but these creatures give me the willies, and I would do anything to keep them in the homes of their owners where they belong and off my property! … I am happy that Columbus has a leash law for dogs. I am pleased that most (but not all) dog owners abide by the laws that require that dogs be on a leash when on our neighborhood streets and city parks. However, I do not understand why cats are able to freely prowl our neighborhoods. We have found neighbors’ cats sunning themselves on our front porch and lounging around our pool in our fenced-in backyard. Last night we were awakened by cats caterwauling and screeching in our yard in the middle of the night. Cat repellent is ineffective. I have called Animal Control when we found an abandoned kitten in our yard, only be to told that we would be responsible for caging the animal and bringing it in ourselves.

Our yard smells like kitty litter. I am not an animal lover, and I don’t understand why we are required to put up with the smell, noise, and intrusion of animals which do not belong to us. Does anyone else agree with me, and what can we do to rid our neighborhoods of these creatures?

Linda Wallman.

Dear Linda:

Yeah, I had a kitten infestation this summer, too.

Have you tried planting zucchini or cucumbers? Those things scare the hell out of cats, according to what I’ve seen on YouTube. Apparently the vegetable has to sneak up behind the cat first, though.

This story was originally published July 24, 2016 at 9:40 PM with the headline "Monday Mail: Gators, cats threaten America today."