Full of whispers, full of sighs, it’s Monday Mail.
Today’s opening was from the poem “Song Of A Second April” by Edna St. Vincent Millay.
Not many believed this year’s April Fools column about city leaders’ collecting donated helmets to distribute to people entering the Columbus Government Center after falling ceiling tiles forced them to declare it a hard hat zone.
This skepticism stands in stark contrast to April 2017, when many believed Donald Trump was going to buy the Government Center and turn it into a casino, with a zipline descending from the top of the tower to the balcony of the Springer Opera House across the street, though engineers warned the precipitous descent would make bodies disintegrate upon impact.
A few people did believe this year’s column, however, as online they swore they would never wear a donated helmet that could have lice in it.
City leaders assure them the helmets distributed to the public not only will be inspected for safety, but disinfected for lice.
With nuclear radiation.
Speaking of city leaders, it’s April 2019 and already we’re writing about the 2020 elections.
Seems like it was just the other night I was out late drinking downtown with crushed and frightened co-workers, after the last presidential election, but in fact it was November 2016, and those women don’t work for newspapers now.
Recently announced bids for office, such as for sheriff and U.S. Senate, might make you wonder what else is on the ballot for 2020.
It’s way too much to think about now: Both our congressmen, both state senators, all the state representatives, the even-numbered Columbus Council posts (held by Glenn Davis, Evelyn Turner Pugh, Gary Allen, Walker Garrett and John House); the odd-numbered Muscogee school board districts (held by Pat Hugley Green, Vanessa Jackson, Laurie McRae and Cathy Williams); the judges, the district attorney, the Municipal Court clerk, the coroner and the tax commissioner.
So, that should keep us busy for a couple of years.
Speaking of bloody politics, “Game of Thrones” fans may revel in this “Bleed for the Throne” appeal from the American Red Cross, whose Columbus blood donor center at 7490 Veterans Parkway is open noon-8 p.m. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, 8 a.m. -4 p.m. Friday and 7 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday:
Nearly half the public knows someone who has been helped by a blood transfusion, but many people don’t realize that blood can only come from generous volunteer donors. That’s why the American Red Cross is so dependent on the support of volunteers to ensure that blood and platelets are available to meet patient needs.
To encourage donations during National Volunteer Month this April, the Red Cross and HBO’s “Game of Thrones” are partnering to award a full-size Iron Throne to one lucky winner. Additionally, all presenting donors April 11-30 … will receive a commemorative “Bleed For The Throne” poster, while supplies last….
Thanks in advance for your support!
Dear Red Cross:
Did you know April also is National Humor Month, Scottish American Heritage Month and Couples Appreciation Month?
I’m celebrating by sipping Scotch and writing satirical captions for appreciative couples’ adoring Facebook selfies. (“We are TOTALLY in love! Totally! We are not at all insecure about that! No sir! That’s why we’re always hugging while smiling at my iPhone! Here’s more evidence: It’s what we had for dinner, and it’s VERY expensive!”)
Anyway, I’m always up to bleed for a free Red Cross T-shirt – half my casual wear’s blood donor T-shirts – but I don’t think my spouse would let me keep a full-size Iron Throne in the house.
I’d wish for a full-size dragon, but we already own horses, with which to take selfies, and livestock can be very expensive.