Dimon Kendrick-Holmes: Pay your kids or pay yourself?

Today I'm thinking about advice I heard two fathers give to sons who were raising families of their own.

It was about college education. The fathers were of similar economic status -- solidly middle class -- and both had put their sons through college.

But the advice was not the same.

One father told his son he hoped he would return the favor and pay for his own children to go to college. In other words, "Do as I did."

The other father told his son he hoped he would focus on building his own retirement savings and let his children take responsibility for their education. "You don't owe your kids a college education," he said. "Pay yourself first."

In other words, "Don't do as I did."

Both fathers offer good advice.

I tend to lean toward the former. I had a full tuition scholarship to Vanderbilt -- thanks, Uncle Sam! -- but my father picked up my room and board, which was more expensive than paying for everything at nearby Auburn or another state school. So I entered the working world totally debt-free, and I'm grateful.

I want my children to get a good education and start their adult lives unburdened by student loans, just as I did.

So far, history is repeating itself. Today, my daughter has a full tuition scholarship to the University of Georgia -- thanks, Uncle Zell! (and all you Jumbo Bucks Lotto contestants!) -- and I'm picking up room and board.

But next fall, she'll have a different brother starting college every even-numbered year until 2020.

Meanwhile, college costs rocket out of control, even with the HOPE scholarship. The meal plan at UGA, for example, costs about $4,000 a year.

It's been enough to make me re-examine why I'm sending my children to a four-year college in the first place. Is it to train them for a stable career? They can do that by staying home and attending technical college -- have you called a plumber lately?

Or is it to start them on a lifelong journey of discovery? As I learned firsthand, the Army is a great place to find yourself.

While we're asking questions, let's go back to the advice of the second father: Instead of worrying about establishing my children's financial foundation, shouldn't I be taking care of myself? You know, so they don't have to take care of me later?

These are questions every parent, regardless of income, is facing today.

Sure, everybody wants their children to have everything they did and more.

But the unbelievably high cost of an education -- not to mention other seemingly out-of-control expenses like health care -- isn't making it any easier.

And for those of us fortunate enough to have parents who could fit the bill for college, do we try to pay it forward, or do we start a new chapter?

That is the question.

Dimon Kendrick-Holmes, executive editor, dkholmes@ledger-enquirer.com.

This story was originally published September 25, 2015 at 9:22 PM with the headline "Dimon Kendrick-Holmes: Pay your kids or pay yourself? ."