Chris Johnson: Catfish bite back even after being filleted

While I don't eat many things that crawl on the bottoms of oceans, lakes and rivers, I do eat an awful lot of things that swim in them -- with the notable exception of octopuses. Oh, and most humans.

Red snapper, bream, grouper, largemouth bass, flounder, cod, perch, tilapia, mahi-mahi, tuna, orangespine unicorn fish, meglodon, orca -- you name it! OK, maybe that's overstating it a bit. I will not eat tuna! Smells like cat food.

But none of those beat catfish. Most of us who have grown up down South have eaten our fair share of catfish -- often at family get-togethers where folks huddle around an outdoor deep fryer that calls to everyone around with its sizzling sounds and the smell of grease (the rightful base of the Southern food pyramid) floating through the air.

Many of us have grown up setting out trot lines and baiting our hooks with chicken livers -- and darn near anything else because catfish ain't picky -- and eating what we've caught.

We've chopped off catfish heads and thrown them over to the cats and used pliers to pull that weird skin off of them, all so we can dump them in that glorious grease and eat 'til we pop.

Nowadays, you don't even have to fish for them as there are catfish farms where they grow catfish on little vines. You plant one catfish head six inches deep in the dirt, and two months later you'll have a bushel load of catfish.

And, quite frankly, if you dump them in the right grease and/or coat them with the right mixture, the farm-grown catfish are just as tasty.

That's why I now do most of my fishing for catfish at the grocery story. It only takes a few seconds to pick them out and I've yet to get finned by a catfish fillet. Besides, I've had a giant catfish dang near knock me out of my kayak on the Chattahoochee -- although it could have been the legendary Tie-Snake -- so I figure it's safer to do my fishing at the seafood counter.

Last night, however, I did get attacked by a catfish for the first time -- several of them, in fact. This attack was especially impressive as they were catfish fillets that had cooked for quite some time.

They attacked with the help of a fellow named Lefty. Lefty sells some coating at the grocery store where I fish, and I thought I'd try some. Having spent a few weeks of my life in Louisiana's Cajun country, I thought I oughta try Lefty's spicy mix.

The Cajun word for that decision is "stupid" (pronounced stoo-pid).

I don't know who Lefty is, but perhaps I should have researched that because his ingredients apparently include a lot of cayenne pepper, along with a dash of napalm and plutonium. I was sweating like Michael Jordan in a Gatorade commercial. My mouth burned. I think even the lining of my stomach was scorched. I'd have probably slept a lot better if I hadn't eaten three and a half of those fillets.

I've learned my lesson to stay away from anything Lefty thinks is spicy. Although, it could have been an adverse reaction to having oven-fried the fish in an attempt to be a little healthier.

I guess we should have deep-fried it as God -- and perhaps Lefty -- intended.

Connect with Chris Johnson at kudzukid.com.

This story was originally published February 27, 2016 at 10:12 PM with the headline "Chris Johnson: Catfish bite back even after being filleted ."