It’s Tuesday, July 24 — decision day for me

It feels like today was way too long in the making. After all the buildup and all the anticipation and all the debate, it’s time for me to make a very important decision.

Is this the day I make my annual lottery ticket purchase?

You didn’t think I was talking about the GOP gubernatorial runoff in Georgia, did you? Actually, I voted early in that one. Admittedly, it was hard to decide between Mr. I Really Really Love Trump and Mr. I Really Really Love Trump Even More, but I cast a vote for one of them and immediately went home and took a shower.

I’m more excited about the MegaMillions jackpot, which has risen to $493 million, which means that today might be the day. I might tap into my $2-a-year lottery fund and invest in a ticket.

Yes, I’m going to do it. I’m feeling Lucky. Now, run along, Lucky. Go fetch this ball. Now that Lucky’s busy, I can think about how I’m going to spend my $493 million when I beat the 1-in-258.9-million odds and claim the jackpot.

First, though, I have to argue in advance with my wife over whether to take the cash option — a mere $296 million or about $179 million after federal taxes — or the annuity, which would average about $18 million a year or about $11 million annually after taxes.

She wants it all in one lump sum so that we could invest it and watch it grow even more, as if we could ever spend $179 million to begin with. The vast majority of that would go to charitable work. I can barely even wrap my mind around having $179 million — or as Amazon’s Jeff Bezos would call it, a good day’s work. Well, actually, Amazon’s employees actually do the good day’s work while he reaps the benefits and they decide whether to pay the light bill or the water bill this month.

I, however, believe it makes way more sense to take the annuity. The first payment would be about $4 million after taxes and would grow by five percent each year for 26 years. Even though I don’t think I could spend even $4 million in all the remaining days of my life, that would give me the option of completely screwing up and blowing it all in a single year only to have my coffers refilled and then some.

Naturally, then, we take the lump sum because when all the options are laid out, examined, calculated and pondered for all of their pros and cons, we’ll have to choose the lump sum for one primary reason — because she says so.

That means that when we win the Mega Millions tonight, I’ve got to decide what we’re going to do with $179 million once we’ve set up scholarships, donated to charities and helped Cousin Ernie with his medical bills.

Wait a minute! I don’t have a Cousin Ernie!

The only decision I’ve made about spending that large sum of money is that I’ll make the decision during a 10-day Caribbean cruise. That’ll get us away from people like my non-existent Cousin Ernies and everyone else who needs a piece of the action, such as whichever Trump boot-licker wins today’s GOP runoff. Quite frankly, I’d rather help my non-existent Cousin Ernie … and he’d likely make a better governor.

I definitely would buy a few nice things like a beach house somewhere and maybe a mountain cabin. I’d travel to places like Paris, London and Ladonia. I’d order appetizers when we go to fancy restaurants like Applebees and Cheddars. And, yes, I’d indulge in some luxuries like a guitar strap and new tires for my pickup truck, the kind with actual treads.

Of course, I’ll also need to buy health insurance next year, and from what everyone is saying about the rates we’re going to see in 2019, all I’ll have left from that $179 million is a few bucks for a guitar strap.

And maybe a Powerball ticket.