Be careful when you use the A-word
Back in May I set out to find a well-known old-school device called The Clapper. Now, you young folks might not appreciate The Clapper, but this was once considered some advanced technology — right up there with push-button phones, VCRs and color televisions.
The Clapper was to be a Mother’s Day gift for my wife, who always complained about having to roll out of a comfortable position on her side of the bed to turn off a lamp at the end of the night. I’d actually seen recent TV commercials for The Clapper, so I knew they existed somewhere. Unfortunately, though, I couldn’t find one. Instead, I found Alexa.
Actually, it was an Amazon Echo device. If you’re one of those late-to-technology folks like me, you might not be familiar with Alexa, but she’s the 4-inch tall lady who lives inside the Echo device and answers questions for you about the weather and the news and plays music. She’s very talented and can even perform “Bohemian Rhapsody” without your being able to tell it’s not Freddie Mercury and Queen.
The only reason I got the Echo, though, was so that I could get smart plugs into which you can plug your lamps and say, “Alexa, turn off the bedroom light.” Click, it’s off. It’s even easier than The Clapper. Thanks to modern technology we don’t have to roll over to turn off the light nor do we even have to go through physical exertion to “clap on” or “clap off” a light. Whew!
She liked the Echo in the kitchen so much that she got a smaller version called Amazon Dot for the bedroom. A 4-inch-tall Alexa cannot fit into it, so you get a 1-inch-tall lady inside who doesn’t have quite the bass as kitchen Alexa but nevertheless can accomplish virtually everything the taller Alexa can.
We’ve had a little bit of a learning curve with Alexa, and I’m reluctant to enable certain features — such as voice-activated purchasing. I already live in constant fear of opening my Gmail and seeing an email with the subject line “Your Amazon order of ...” because I know there’s about to be a smiling cardboard box on my doorstep and a few more dollars out of my bank account.
I would enable voice-activated purchasing if the woman wasn’t always listening. I’m scared my wife might say something like, “We need a new couch, something nice with faux zebra skin or something,” and Alexa will respond from the kitchen, “Your zebra-skin couch will arrive on Tuesday.”
It is nice, though, to start our day by asking the lady inside the Echo about the weather forecast and what kind of fake news is going on in the world — like fake earthquakes, fake bridge collapses and fake wildfires and such. I assume that’s all fake because it comes from the fake news media, otherwise known as the enemy of the people.
Even better, when she’s through giving us news updates and sports scores, she will perform music for us. She knows everything from jazz to The Beatles to 1970s hits. Because she’s always eavesdropping on us, she thinks she knows what we might be in the mood for when we say something generic like, “Alexa, play music.”
We tried that one this morning while having a relaxing cup of coffee, and she responded, “Playing a playlist you might like: Meghan Trainor.”
“No! Stop!”
“Sorry, I don’t know No! Stop!”
My wife then assumes that I’m dancing around the house singing “I’m all about that bass, bout that bass, no treble,” when she’s not here. I’m definitely not all about that bass at 10 a.m. Maybe 11:30.
That just goes to show you and my wife that Alexa and modern technology is not foolproof. Besides, when my wife’s not home, I dance around and sing to Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.” Alexa might not know that, but the neighbors probably do.
Connect with Chris Johnson at KudzuKid.com.
This story was originally published August 20, 2018 at 10:21 AM.