Alabama is set to invade Georgia to nab some of those fabulous riches
This past Friday, I found myself in West Point, just a stone’s throw from the Alabama line. I know that because we Georgians used to throw rocks at Alabamians for fun before we had other entertainment like video games or throwing rocks at South Carolinians.
As I drove into town, I noticed two convenience stores near Interstate 85 were jam-packed with vehicles and people. Nearly every license plate was from Alabama. Were there no gasoline, cigarettes or pickled pigs feet left in Alabama? Was this war? If so, give me liberty or give me death, but y’all ain’t gonna make me yell “Roll Tide!”
Then it hit me: No, not a rock thrown from Alabama but the realization that they were there to buy Mega Millions tickets, something you can’t do in Alabama. The folks leading Alabama — when they are not in jail or sneaking in and out of hospitals — are against such immoral things as gambling, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. If Alabamians want to have any fun, they have to come visit us heathens in Georgia.
As you may have heard from your co-workers Earl and Gladys arguing over whether you should take the annuity or lump sum, the Mega Millions jackpot had swelled to $999 million — at least that’s as far as the billboards could count. (It’s now up to $1.6 billion or so.)
Even when the jackpot is that high, you barely notice across most of Georgia because most Georgians don’t make special runs to the convenience store to buy lottery tickets. They simply say, “Oh, give me one of them Mega Millions quick picks, too,” while they are making their usual stop for regular unleaded and pickled pigs feet.
But when it gets up there around a billion, here come the folks from Alabama. The economy must really be booming in that state because they don’t blink an eye when the jackpot is only $200 million. Over a billion, though, and these Alabamians come streaming in like a caravan of gambling migrants.
Of course, they come just across the state line but no farther than the first store selling tickets. They don’t want to infiltrate the state to the extent that they have to start blending into the Georgia population by using turn signals and obeying yield signs.
I understand the enthusiasm. When I was a teenager, we’d drive to Phenix City so that we could buy some decent fireworks. You couldn’t buy cool stuff like bottle rockets, cherry bombs and dynamite in Georgia back then. We were bootleggers just like the Duke boys, except we were running fireworks instead of moonshine and no cops were going to bother chasing a 1984 Ford Escort.
Today we will see yet another huge invasion of Alabamians convinced this is the day they will beat those easy 1-in-302,575,350 odds. And, somewhere, at some point, someone will indeed win and be able to say, “See, I knew it!”
Tomorrow, they could be taking home a cash option of $904 million. That would put them right up there with other super-rich folks like Jared Kushner except, unlike Jared, they’d actually have to pay taxes on it and only take home about $633 million. Still, that’s more than enough money to live the American Dream and buy such things as a vacation home, insulin and a couple of congressmen.
Anytime I’ve bought a lottery ticket, I’ve bought one. Just one. I figure if I’m lucky enough to beat 1-in-302,575,350 odds, then I’m lucky enough to do it with one ticket.
Then again, a lottery jackpot like this is hard to ignore, even for a Georgian. I might have to increase my odds. I think I’ll drop by a convenience store today and get 302,575,350 quick-pick tickets.
“Oh, and these pickled pigs feet.”
Chris Johnson’s books and more available at KudzuKid.com.
This story was originally published October 22, 2018 at 1:58 PM with the headline "Alabama is set to invade Georgia to nab some of those fabulous riches."