Chris Johnson: Tipping the scales against a bully

Bullying is an issue that affects many people and has for many years -- going all the way back to when a seventh-grade Abel got stuffed into the trash can by eighth-graders at Eden Middle School.

We certainly still see it in schools, though I think schools at least try to handle it better than they did when I was in middle school and I told the principal that Snake Stafford was dangling one of my best friends from the roof by his ankle and threatening to drop him.

"You've got like six best friends," Principal Ruffin said. "That would leave you with five. There are imaginary children in Ethiopia who don't even have friends, so quit being greedy. Now skeedadaddle! Mr. Ruffin needs some quiet time on his bourbon break."(As a side note, Snake did lose his grip, and my friend suffered such terrible brain damage that he was able to land his own talk radio program.)

Of course, times have changed and bullies no longer threaten to beat up smaller kids -- they merely shame them on social media. Adults do this, too, and can no longer leave a single comment on social media that doesn't go something like: "Your a idiot libtard nazi mooslim traitor who probably believes that the climate is changing to. Oh, by the way, are y'all gonna be at Thanksgiving this year, Aunt Gladys? Love y'all!"

Which, naturally, leads me to fish. My wife decided to clean out a cabinet in the garage, where she found

our old fish aquarium. She decided that it should be put to use instead of just sitting there gathering dust. (Thank goodness she didn't see the old hamster catapult I built out of rubber bands and plastic spoons.)

So we went to the local pet store to buy fish. This used to be a simple process where you got some heavily tattooed guy who smelled like cigarettes to wave a little green net through a layering of dead goldfish to get that one gold one hiding behind a rock at the bottom of a tank. No, that one with a red dot on his tail. No, the live one.

But now, again, times have changed. First, they want to make sure that you have a tank big enough to provide an adequate living environment for the fish. So, I assured them that my 12-by-12-by-12-inch aquarium held at least 30 gallons of water. Of course, that can't just be any water, so I assured them that it was pure glacier water that was dechlorinated and blessed by a local priest. After I provided a blood sample and watched an instructional video -- "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" -- I was allowed to pick out four colorful tropical fish.

I named them John, Paul, George and Ringo -- which I should not have to explain is an obvious reference to the four guys who work at my speedy oil change joint. But there's a problem: John is pink, a little bigger than the other three and a bully. He chases the other three around and won't let them swim or eat in peace. And he crossed the line this morning when he apparently brought a little Japanese artist fish into the tank. Not cool.

I am taking corrective steps. This morning I posted a Post-It note on the tank with little drawings of fish bullying other fish with a red line through it. I suspect that will solve the problem.

However, if that doesn't work, fish bullying does carry the death penalty in my house. I hate to resort to that so early in this new aquarium venture, but if I resort to it within two weeks, I can take John back to the store and get my $5.98 back.

Connect with Chris Johnson at Facebook.com/KudzuKidWriting or email

kudzukid88@gmail.com.

This story was originally published September 14, 2015 at 9:31 AM with the headline "Chris Johnson: Tipping the scales against a bully ."