Baby days are a little different than 16 years ago

It’s been more than 16 years since I had a baby boy. Now, my stepdaughter has made me a “Pop” with another little boy. And by “little,” I mean little, as in 5 pounds, 10 ounces of little.

My son was 9 pounds, 10 ounces, so not only has it been a long time since I’ve been around a baby on a regular basis, but I’ve never been around one so tiny. This is going to be an adjustment.

Jax was due this coming week. He got here last week. The boy is not much for waiting. My son, meanwhile, was a week late and he only arrived because the labor was finally induced. Otherwise, he’d still be in the womb, which would have made getting a driver’s license way more complicated.

Jax also got here by Caesarian — reminds me of that old Steven Wright line about how he was born by Caesarian but that you can’t really tell except when he leaves the house he goes out through the window instead of the door. My son should have been born by Caesarian as the traditional birth caused all kinds of problems, but the doctor told us later that the insurance company was pressuring her to keep her Caesarian rates down. I recall being rather unimpressed by that explanation, although I’ve had a long history of being unimpressed by the ways of private health insurers.

Another way things have changed is that Jax was less than an hour old before he was engulfed by smartphone-wielding paparazzi. Less than a day into his life, little Jax was on Facebook more than George Takei. The family tried to squeeze in a quick Facebook Live video session with him, but Jax couldn’t decide whether to make it public or friends only before the nurse took him back to be with mama.

Of course, there are many ways nothing’s changed. Everybody still comments about how the baby looks like mom or looks like dad. Newborn babies kinda look all alike really with scrunched-up faces. I hope that’s not politically incorrect for me to say they all look the same.

Nurses still come into the room to disturb your rest and ask how you’re resting or wake you up to see how you’re sleeping. Actually, that happened to me more when I broke a leg and a few other bones in a car wreck and spent a couple of weeks in the hospital. I’m sure there’s a medical reason for that, but the hospital just isn’t the place to go get rest.

And, it’s still pretty expensive to have a baby. Because of my son’s troublesome delivery, the bills racked up to more than $20,000. Four months later, I had the car wreck and more than $50,000 in medical bills. Thank goodness for even bad insurance. With Jax, we couldn’t slip out of the hospital until his dad signed all kinds of papers, probably denoting that he is getting the baby “as is.”

But the No. 1 way having babies hasn’t changed is car seats. Whether you’re trying to put them in the car or get them out, it’s never as easy as it looks. If you really want to keep illegal immigrants from getting into the United States, you should get car seat manufacturers to build the wall.

We decided that before putting baby Jax in the seat to drive by the nearest fire station and have them do a little safety check. The lady said that of the hundreds of folks who have come by for a safety check, she could count on one hand the amount of people who had it right. And she still can.

There is one huge difference this time around, though: Instead of Dad, I’m Pop — like Fred on one of my favorite TV shows of all time, “Sanford and Son.” And when the baby starts crying, Pop can say, “Hey, come get the baby!”

At least, that’s the plan. I’m sure that’ll work.

This story was originally published June 18, 2016 at 9:20 PM with the headline "Baby days are a little different than 16 years ago."