Speaking Spanish is not a character flaw

I attended a small high school in a rural Georgia county where most folks were so poor that we all received free lunches — even those well-to-do kids like myself who had such luxuries as a 13-inch black and white television right there in their own bedroom. I was practically Richie Rich compared to most kids at my school.

Despite the poverty in our community and in our schools, I had the opportunity to get a good education. I didn't necessarily take advantage of it, but the opportunity was certainly there. Unfortunately, there was one thing I didn't have even a chance to learn — Spanish. I wanted to then, and now I definitely wish I had at least a working knowledge of the language. Many times it could have come in handy throughout my life.

We were one of the first classes in Georgia required to have two years of foreign language. The choices at my school were French or French. I chose French. I would have preferred to learn Spanish, which seemed more practical, but all we had was a French teacher at my school. I actually did fairly well in French. Properly spoken, the language sounds like slurring with a hoity-toity, snarky tone. I never mastered hoity or toity, but I always had snarky covered and slurring came natural to a kid who half-slept through most classes.

Spanish, though, would have been more practical. In that rural community, there were plenty of migrant workers who spoke Spanish, and I wish I could have conversed with them. I'd like to have been able to shoot the breeze with the brick-layers who helped build my home when they took a break because it was “muy caliente” — which I think is Spanish for “hotter than a two-dollar pistol on the Fourth of July.”

I've had a couple of weeklong stays in Nicaragua in the past few years to build homes with poor families. Spanish certainly could have come in handy down there. I would like to have known how to properly communicate necessary phrases such as, “You see that cow in the road, right?” and “Is it considered safe to drive at night without headlights with Jose hanging out the window and holding a flashlight instead?” or “Do you have any idea when we might have electricity again?”

But, no. I'm afraid my Spanish is just good enough to get me through a Del Taco. I can also order a grande margarita on occasion, but I use a lot of hand gestures that indicate I would like a really, really biggun in case the waiter doesn't understand.

“Dude, I'm from Bulgaria. But I take it you want a really, really big margarita?”

“Si. El frozeno.”

This past week, there was a viral video of a vile, privileged, xenophobic lawyer in New York City — I think his name was Jerky Jerkleburg or something — going ape caca in a Fresh Kitchen because a few workers and customers were conversing in Spanish. A couple of other videos have since surfaced of him being a jerk to other folks. I can only imagine how many times Mr. Jerkleburg has been a jerk without being filmed.

It strikes me as a more than a little hypocritical that his own website touts that he can take phone calls in Spanish. I guess he's OK with speaking Spanish when he can get his slimy hands on some of your deniro, but not when you're in front of him at Fresh Market.

Thankfully, all his rants have now gotten him into some muy caliente water. In fact, he got kicked out of his office building. His ability to practice law in New York may even be in jeopardy. Perhaps if Michael Williams pulls off a huge upset in the Georgia GOP gubernatorial primary today, Mr. Jerkleburg can get a job more fitting of his personality, like driving the Deportation Bus.

Of course, I must admit that Mr. Jerkleburg, Williams and their ilk have a valid point in that you really should try to learn the native language of place you intend to stay a while. If nothing else, it'll make your own life much easier.

Then again, I haven't heard anyone speak Muskogean around here in a long, long time.

Connect with Chris Johnson at KudzuKid.com.

This story was originally published May 20, 2018 at 10:56 PM with the headline "Speaking Spanish is not a character flaw."