Life’s wonderful journey marked by those special days

If there’s one thing we can count on in this life, it’s that it goes on. Whether we like it or not, the years will pass, our bodies will change and the world will spin in its own ordered madness. I’m glancing over at the small framed photos of my two children as I write, and my son is about three months old in his photo. This week, he turned three.

There’s no way to explain how a baby can become a young child in three years, while his mother can remain in a state of ironically static kinesis in the same span of time. He has come into a sense of himself that feels unique and specific. He is energetic, but cautious of how he is being perceived. He likes order and routine in a way that feels foreign to my own instincts. He sees his sister as a friend more than ever these days, though there are still plenty of spats to be had. He has clearly changed, and this birthday felt like a noteworthy milestone.

My youngest sister just celebrated her birthday two weeks ago. She is in her mid-20s, and starting to wade into that transition into rote adulthood. She is going to spend less effort climbing up and more effort working laterally. This change is causing some discomfort. I remember it well. Whether you are an elementary school student or a graduate student, there is a clear sense of ladder climbing. You pass an exam, you submit a thesis, you move to the next grade or get the next diploma. The goals are always clear and the sense of accomplishment is pronounced.

But as those days zoom further out in the rearview, the next step becomes less obvious. You find yourself looking at all you’ve accrued and asking yourself how to build something meaningful with it. You begin to work for a living, and build relationships that will possibly follow you throughout your adult life. The goal posts are no longer clear. There is no longer a commencement ceremony that everyone strives toward. You look around and see that everyone has a different idea of what is most important and it is sometimes unclear which ideas are more “right” than others.

So when I think of these two family birthdays, I see two people at different points in the journey. Neither age has more value than the other, but it does seem far easier to turn three in retrospect. One day, I pray I will see my son celebrate his mid-20-something birthday. I imagine he may find himself in that same transition phase that my sister now occupies. And I hope that my husband and I – and even his big sister – will be able to impart some comfort and confidence in those wobbly moments.

Natalia Naman Temesgen is a playwright and professor of creative writing at Columbus State University in Columbus, Georgia.

This story was originally published September 25, 2018 at 5:55 PM with the headline "Life’s wonderful journey marked by those special days."