Philip L. Kaplan: It's never OK to hit a child

The news brings us reports of violence of all kinds on a daily basis. We are inundated in this age of instant communication and 24 hour news cycles with media outlets competing for our attention and "if it bleeds, it leads" editorial decisions frequently predominate.

This is Domestic Violence Awareness month and it is important to stress that domestic violence is not just adults who live in intimate relationships who hit each other, it is also that they hit their children, and that their children, even if not direct victims of physical assault, can be irreparably harmed by witnessing the violence done to a parent.

One can become depressed, disheartened or inured to the reports and feel helpless when confronting the problem of violent behavior. There is something that can be done by everyone, and that is to promote the end of violence in the homes of families in our community.

If we, as a community, wish to reduce the violence we should make an effort toward a change in our culture, not just our laws. What appears on the news and in the newspapers are extreme expressions of the violence that comes from our community culture. We have laws prohibiting violence, but we do not have a culture that fully embraces non-violence. There are many factors that contribute to violent interpersonal behavior; however, as children, we get our judgment about how to regard violence from out parents, extended family, teachers, clergy and doctors. These primary influences can provide the moderating effect on how our children view world news, television, movies and video game portrayals of violence.

It is important that we not ignore our role in supporting and modeling non-violent ways of expressing frustration and anger, and resolving conflict. Arguably, the most effective manner in reducing the incidence of children growing into adults who express violent behavior is to eliminate their direct experience and exposure to methods of managing relationships via violent means in all of its forms. We must internalize, and let the principal generalize in our thinking, that it is never OK to hit a child.

While this flies in the face of the traditions of using corporal punishment as a child-rearing technique, it is becoming increasingly clear that corporal punishment is a gateway behavior to domestic violence.

Given the long tradition of the use of corporal punishment, let us first address those who would defend it. First necessary is a definition of the term. Corporal punishment is the application of force to cause pain, but not injury, as a consequence for unwanted behavior, so let us not confuse corporal punishment with child abuse.

But there is no scientific study that demonstrates that corporal punishment is more effective than any other form of discipline, and there are numerous studies that indicate the negative consequences that can accompany its use are not associated with other methods such as time out or privilege restriction. The negative outcomes of corporal punishment are numerous and include lowering children's intelligence over time, and it is associated with violence in adolescent dating behavior.

Corporal punishment adherents also defend it with their recollection of their own experiences and deny that it did them any harm and attribute their success in life to the fear of being spanked. Their accommodation to their experience has created a blindness to scientific findings. They are afraid of believing differently. This is at the heart of the cultural problem when we begin to confuse respect of our parents out of fear for respect out of love.

If we had a core value in our culture that violence in family relationships is unacceptable at any level, it would likely decrease the overall violence in our community. When one learns non-violent ways of conflict resolution in the family, one would naturally find one's way in relationships outside the family and contribute to developing a generation of children who would be less likely to develop into adults with a respect for violence as a valid method of managing relationships. While our culture has identified domestic violence and child abuse as negative, until it embraces that it is never OK to hit a child, it will still contribute to the continued use of corporal punishment, the gateway behavior to domestic violence and child abuse.

Philip L. Kaplan, a licensed psychologist specializing in diagnostic and treatment services to adolescents, children and families, has been in private practice in Columbus since 1984.

This story was originally published October 8, 2015 at 1:53 PM with the headline "Philip L. Kaplan: It's never OK to hit a child ."